Guys and Dolls

I suppose that I might as well jump into the fray and comment.

Since I recently 'came out' as a calendared watcher of "The Bachelor" on ABC, I have been chomping at the bit to expound on the ridiculous drama that seems to have captured an exponentially expanding role in the show, to say nothing of the imaginative minds glued to the TV every Monday night.

But I am going to resist. The gals really don't deserve even a line of my commentary. (And that line says volumes, doesn't it?)

Nope, it's not the gals I want to chat about, I am going in another direction. I am going to comment about Jake. Yes, Jake, a guy who seemed real, if a bit emotionally raw in  last season's "The Bachelorette" (yes, I watched that too); a guy who was a favorite for the next Bachelor, and a guy who looks great in and out of uniform - although not as rugged as the show seems to want to portray him (for what reason I don't know - he looks just fine in normal clothes).

I am doing this because I think men (and women) can learn a lot from Jake. After all, he's a good looking guy who wears his heart-of-gold on his flannel sleeve and is looking for love in all the wrong places. Sound familiar?

Anyway, these are my thoughts, and mine alone. For instance...when Jake isn't stressing over what's going on in the quintessential "Bachelor Pad" that (it must be noted) he volunteered for and is getting paid for, he can be quite charming and handsome. But most of the time he seems stressed, with a furrowed brow and forced smile - as if this is harder than he expected. I am not sure why Jake expected a gaggle of stiletto clad single women to show up on a pay-to-play show and not be, well, a gaggle of doll-looking, cleavage baring, fun-seeking single women. It seems obvious to most of the rest of us.

Lesson #1
Don't sweat the small stuff.

And when he isn't looking deeply into the eyes of some doll and losing all perspective, Jake has an open heart and admirable goals. He is truly looking for love, but is this really where he will find it?

Lesson #2
Set realistic goals and create a realistic plan to reach them.

Beyond those obvious qualities of sincerity and a vulnerable heart, Jake needs a little help in the conversation arena. Is it me, or do his recurring lines consist entirely of the following: 1) Thanks "guys" for being here (I don't know about you, but I haven't seen any guy there but him, oh, and Chris), 2) You look beautiful tonight, 3) I love your dress, 4) I love your eyes, 5) You are amazing, 6) I really like you.

Lesson #3
Communication is an integral part of any relationship;

 learn to communicate; learn the art of conversation; learn the importance of substance in what you say.

Jake is on a very focused mission with the implied-by-actions motto "Take no prisoners". I don't really care who he ends up with - if he ends up with anyone at all, but I wonder if he is slicing and dicing his way through the dolls a bit too quickly. I understand that he doesn't want to waste any more time, but he has burned roses, for gosh sake. He has given up the opportunity to spend more time with at least 2 girls who might (or might not) have shown the qualities he is looking for if given the chance (more time with him without all the others). This fast-paced, group date style romancing seems less than optimum to me and to most of the world, but Jake sincerely expects to find true love there.

Lesson #4
Don't judge a book by it's cover, or even the first few pages;

take time to open it up and read beyond the introduction.

And last, but not least, it appears that Jake is on a mission that doesn't allow for any downtime; it reminds me of men who head out with their families on a road trip and don't think to brake at a rest stop.So what if they don't have to pee, to breathe - the rest of us do! And it's good to breathe! Decisions can be made in a less harried fashion, people can be enjoyed for who they are, not dismissed because after knowing them for 2 hours they don't appear to be who you want them to be.

Lesson #5
Take time to smell the roses,
instead of burning them.

I imagine this will be my first and last post about The Bachelor. But I just had to do it.

Some things just need to be said, as Ali obviously believes. And some things don't, as Ali obviously doesn't believe. Don't get me started on that one!

May the "guy" with the purest heart win the final rose.

I love boutonniere's.

Enough said.

Determination

It's amazing that life just keeps moving, no matter what doors close in our faces. Remember the quote, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us, ” from Alexander Graham Bell?

Sometimes our lives are altered dramatically by choices we make on our own, but sometimes they're altered by choices others make. Either way, planned or unplanned, doors can slam closed suddenly and unexpectedly; and when that happens we can't just stand there and stare, or knock forever, we have to look around for another door that will open...or sometimes, we have to break in through a window!

Today, Kalen climbed through a kitchen window (not the first time this has happened with the two of us) because she had walked outside my house and locked the door behind her, unaware that I was sitting outside reading the newspaper without my keys, purse, etc. The door was closed and locked. There is not a hide-a-key. Thankfully the kitchen window was open, and so around to the side of the house we went, dragging a chair along for her to stand on. She climbed up,  tugged the screen off, pushed the window wider open, took several deep breaths and hoisted herself up (she wouldn't let me give her a push) and over the window sill, landing in the sink before dropping to the floor inside. Flexible, agile girl, that one, and a locked door was not going to keep us out!

Life is full of lessons, and today's silly mishap at my little adobe house was just another example of how we can learn from life's everyday happenings.

A door closed, but we found another way...we found a window. We were determined.

Where there's a will, there's a way. And as far as Kalen is concerned, her flexibility, tolerance, determination, smarts, optimism, agility, good looks, kind heart, bubbly personality and downright stubbornness will push through a lot of doors in the future - and maybe a few windows too.

Determination. It will break down some doors, close others and push open a few windows too.

Needless to say, my kitchen window now has a new lock and will remain closed, but as with life, it was open when we needed it. There's always another path if we will simply look.

Bob Dylan "Knockin on Heaven's Door"

Guns N Roses "Knockin on Heaven's Door"

Eric Clapton "Knockin on Heaven's Door"