Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Guys and Dolls

I suppose that I might as well jump into the fray and comment.

Since I recently 'came out' as a calendared watcher of "The Bachelor" on ABC, I have been chomping at the bit to expound on the ridiculous drama that seems to have captured an exponentially expanding role in the show, to say nothing of the imaginative minds glued to the TV every Monday night.

But I am going to resist. The gals really don't deserve even a line of my commentary. (And that line says volumes, doesn't it?)

Nope, it's not the gals I want to chat about, I am going in another direction. I am going to comment about Jake. Yes, Jake, a guy who seemed real, if a bit emotionally raw in  last season's "The Bachelorette" (yes, I watched that too); a guy who was a favorite for the next Bachelor, and a guy who looks great in and out of uniform - although not as rugged as the show seems to want to portray him (for what reason I don't know - he looks just fine in normal clothes).

I am doing this because I think men (and women) can learn a lot from Jake. After all, he's a good looking guy who wears his heart-of-gold on his flannel sleeve and is looking for love in all the wrong places. Sound familiar?

Anyway, these are my thoughts, and mine alone. For instance...when Jake isn't stressing over what's going on in the quintessential "Bachelor Pad" that (it must be noted) he volunteered for and is getting paid for, he can be quite charming and handsome. But most of the time he seems stressed, with a furrowed brow and forced smile - as if this is harder than he expected. I am not sure why Jake expected a gaggle of stiletto clad single women to show up on a pay-to-play show and not be, well, a gaggle of doll-looking, cleavage baring, fun-seeking single women. It seems obvious to most of the rest of us.

Lesson #1
Don't sweat the small stuff.

And when he isn't looking deeply into the eyes of some doll and losing all perspective, Jake has an open heart and admirable goals. He is truly looking for love, but is this really where he will find it?

Lesson #2
Set realistic goals and create a realistic plan to reach them.

Beyond those obvious qualities of sincerity and a vulnerable heart, Jake needs a little help in the conversation arena. Is it me, or do his recurring lines consist entirely of the following: 1) Thanks "guys" for being here (I don't know about you, but I haven't seen any guy there but him, oh, and Chris), 2) You look beautiful tonight, 3) I love your dress, 4) I love your eyes, 5) You are amazing, 6) I really like you.

Lesson #3
Communication is an integral part of any relationship;
 learn to communicate; learn the art of conversation; learn the importance of substance in what you say.

Jake is on a very focused mission with the implied-by-actions motto "Take no prisoners". I don't really care who he ends up with - if he ends up with anyone at all, but I wonder if he is slicing and dicing his way through the dolls a bit too quickly. I understand that he doesn't want to waste any more time, but he has burned roses, for gosh sake. He has given up the opportunity to spend more time with at least 2 girls who might (or might not) have shown the qualities he is looking for if given the chance (more time with him without all the others). This fast-paced, group date style romancing seems less than optimum to me and to most of the world, but Jake sincerely expects to find true love there.

Lesson #4
Don't judge a book by it's cover, or even the first few pages;
take time to open it up and read beyond the introduction.

And last, but not least, it appears that Jake is on a mission that doesn't allow for any downtime; it reminds me of men who head out with their families on a road trip and don't think to brake at a rest stop.So what if they don't have to pee, to breathe - the rest of us do! And it's good to breathe! Decisions can be made in a less harried fashion, people can be enjoyed for who they are, not dismissed because after knowing them for 2 hours they don't appear to be who you want them to be.

Lesson #5
Take time to smell the roses,
instead of burning them.

I imagine this will be my first and last post about The Bachelor. But I just had to do it.

Some things just need to be said, as Ali obviously believes. And some things don't, as Ali obviously doesn't believe. Don't get me started on that one!

May the "guy" with the purest heart win the final rose.

I love boutonniere's.

Enough said.

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