I'm Not in High School Anymore!

Residency. It seems like a fairly simple concept. You either live somewhere, or you don't, unless you are dealing with institutions of higher education. And then residency becomes a complicated matter requiring affidavits, testimonials, utility bills, state ID and begging.

Here in New Mexico, the Land of Enchantment, UNM admits any student who has moved to the state for employment as an enchanted resident. No higher tuition. I qualify. Hip hip hooray! (And I am enrolled.)

In Utah, the "This is the Place" state, SLCC seems to have an issue with the fact that Kalen traveled to Brazil on a Rotary Exchange (as a student from Brighton High School, I might add) and is telling her that "this is not the place"(ie: they consider her a non-resident), thus warranting higher tuition to them.

Why is this so difficult? Kelly had a similar problem at SUU. She fought for two years before they finally figured it out. Maybe it's a conspiracy of some kind!

Seriously, it seems to me that an underage student, still registered with Brighton High School and living in SLC with her step-dad upon return from Brazil prior to renting her own apartment in the "This is the Place" city, should be a resident student. Done.

This is not brain surgery.

I am certain it will all work itself out, but today I had to chuckle after offering to help Kalen by making a call to SLCC with an explanation of her residency.

Kalen's response?

"I am not in high school anymore. Don't call, Mom. I will take care of it."

OK! Deal! Touche! Onward and upward! I'm here if you need me! You go girl!

I remember those days after high school, it truly was a joyous time. I loved making my own decisions, coming and going as I pleased, living on my own, decorating for the first time in colors other than the avocado green that my Dad had painted everything in my bedroom, and sleeping whenever I wanted (and not sleeping whenever I wanted).

Those were the days...and days they were. Not months, years, decades, but days, possibly weeks, because it wasn't too long before those high school days of yore looked fairly decent in retrospect (without the silliness and drama, of course) and living as an island became a bit lonely. But I wouldn't change a thing. It was a learning experience.

And now it's Kalen's turn. And I am behind her 100%, silently now, adrift from the island shore, and I will row in closer and be a bit louder when and if she needs me in the future, but no matter what, my role as Mom has now changed forever. My little girl isn't in high school anymore and that's a fact.

So, for now, I will enjoy a lemonade while sitting on my front patio in the Land of Enchantment, and smile as I think about my Mom and how she watched from a distance after I left home too, and also smile with thoughts of Kalen forging into the world with determination, smarts and a quick wit...with her Mom watching from a distance.

Residency? Pffft.

She'll get it. After all, she is a resident of the state of Utah and has been for several years. It's simple. But she is dealing with higher ed and folks with advanced degrees.

Which begs the question...why do overeducated folks have to make things so difficult? Maybe I don't want to get my degree, even if I do have residency....or maybe I do so that I can think in the same detailed fashion and overcomplicate things even more.....hmmm, I better think about this.

Back to lemonade, it's much easier.....

High School Musical

Red Light, Green Light

It's official. Kalen has her own place, with pots, pans, spatula's, towels, the whole shebang. Well, except for a washer/dryer and a TV, but you can't have everything!

Yesterday we wandered from one end of SLC to the other, looking at the two vacant apartments Kalen wanted to see. The first one was probably really cute inside, but it was not in the best area and Kalen gave it a thumb's down almost as soon as I did. The second one was in a great area and we both gave it a thumb's up, almost before we saw her room. Why, you might ask? Because her roommate is from Brazil! Kalen's Portuguese will live on! Who cares what the room looks like! Well, actually, we did, and we looked and we still gave it a double thumb's up! Hurray!

This entire process has reminded me of my first little haunt, and I use that word purposely and carefully. A haunt it was, and little.

My Dad nearly fainted when I gave him my new address (after signing the rental agreement). It seemed, upon my Dad's review, that I had a GREAT deal, on a quaint little apartment behind a larger home in San Bernardino, with tall trees, wide streets, AND conveniently located in the RED LIGHT district. Naive? Who, me?! Uh huh, I was. I was so green it was pathetic. But how was I to know I had been looking at apartments in the RED LIGHT district? After all, I wasn't perusing the neighborhood or walking the streets after dark in my quest for independent living space. I was looking during the daylight, when (apparently) all my neighbors were sleeping!!!!

Anyway, after calming my Dad as best I could, I agreed that I would be VERY careful and hightail it home at the first sign of trouble (flashing RED LIGHTS?!?). Anyway, the little 1 bedroom house that I rented with my friend Sue Roberts was behind a beautiful old home that was occupied by an 80 year old woman and her 60 year old son, who was our landlord. Obviously they predated the RED LIGHT era by about 40+ years or more. I reminded myself of this every day to help me feel safe (which takes us back to naive).

Of course, there was one more hiccup before we could really move in. When we arrived to unpack, I opened the medicine cabinet and found a partially used medicine bottle - for crabs. Crabs. Oh. Wait. This wasn't a medical treatment for ocean crabs, like, if they bit you or something, this was..........ohhhh noooo!

Out we went, Sue and I, madly dashing to catch the landlord before he drove off and to show him the bottle. Talk about a Message in a Bottle! We heard it loud and clear! I am certain our innocent (did I mention naive?) faces showed our shock and embarrassment as we hysterically handed the bottle to the landlord. (I should add here that my memory of that moment was of panted breaths between Sue and I and a kind of embarrassed grin on the landlord's face).

Anyway, since Sue knew what 'crabs' were, and that they loved to live in mattresses, we demanded a new mattress, which (thankfully) was delivered the next day. So, after ammonia-cleaning the entire place, spending one more night at my parent's home and receiving a brand new still-in-the-plastic-wrap mattress for my room, we settled in for our summer adventure in the RED LIGHT district. This was the first and last time I shared a bed with a friend, crabs or no crabs.
We were cozy in our little place. I remember having 5 visitors that summer. My Mom and Dad. Sue's boyfriend Hector. My boyfriend Charlie and his friend Bill. It was a busy place. In reflection, I imagine none of them wanted to frequent the RED LIGHT district any more than required in the one courtesy visit they made.

I never saw a prostitute (that I was aware of, but my naivete might play a role in that). Sue and I never had any problems in the neighborhood at all during the 60+ days we lived there before regaining our sanity and finding better neighbors who would actually be awake during the day.

The old lady loved us. Her son wandered in to collect rent (I guess that means we had 6 visitors!)Sue and I macramed plant hangers and wall art, we painted the bedrooms really odd colors, we borrowed, actually begged, from all of our family friends and neighbors, as well as our parents, to gather enough pots, plates, forks, spatulas to cook in the tiny kitchen, and we lived on chicken pot pies with chopped sweet red onions mixed in. (I still crave that dish every now and then, believe it or not.) Our bed linens were hodge podge. Our bedspread was a blue floral that used to be on my Mom and Dad's bed, and had been more recently used as our family beach blanket.


Needless to say, we did not have a washer or a dryer or a TV. KMEN and KFXM on our radio was the limit of our entertainment. Of course, we did go to bed before the neighborhood came to life, so we missed out on a lot.

It was a wild and crazy summer. A learning experience for certain. We hitched up with a couple of guys who had us half way to Las Vegas on I-15 before we realized we should probably be alarmed and demanded to be returned home. Lucky does not even begin to describe that evening. We were taken home, dropped off with some swear words (I guess we were a disappointment) and we never looked back as we ran to the "safety" of our humble abode. I worked at the Crest Theater in San Bernardino selling tickets in the box office window, where I received my first lewd comment from an older man. I was mortified and shocked and truly unable to work because I was so shook up. He was asked to leave the theater. I quit the next week. As I said, it was a wild and crazy summer, and we learned a lot.
Now it's Kalen's turn, although I must say that her digs are much better than ours was, she has her own clean crabless mattress to sleep on, I highly doubt she will work a box office window or be hijacked to Las Vegas and Target/TJMaxx are wonderful sources for kitchenware that certainly surpasses our sad array of used stuff.

It was a RED LIGHT summer for Sue and I. We lived, we had fun, we moved, we lost track of each other and we really never connected again. We stopped being kids and grew up fast.

But it's a GREEN LIGHT summer for Kalen, she is off, she is almost 18, she is excited and in a safe neighborhood and I highly doubt anything will stop her now.

I think I will buy her some chicken pot pies and red onions the next time I am in Utah.

Some experiences shouldn't be missed.

John Legend "Green Light"

Growing Pains

At almost 55, I am no longer experiencing growing pains of the normal type. My body is no longer stretching to its full height, with bones creaking in the process.

No, the growing pains I am experiencing are different. My kids have grown up and I am in pain! It's a duplicitous pain, one moment it's the feeling of loss because I am now OFFICIALLY an empty nester, but the other moment it's a feeling of joy, because I am now OFFICIALLY an empty nester. It's exhausting, this back and forth stuff. Pain builds character, but this is ridiculous!

Kalen, my youngest, rented her first apartment today. She will be sharing a 3 bedroom, 1 bath duplex with 2 other girls, one of them from Brazil! I am so excited for her!

She is already planning her decorating style, buying kitchen supplies and arranging her furniture in her mind. Tomorrow she moves in.

Tomorrow I am officially without children at home. After 32 years...

Oh no!

Oh yes!

Oh my!

Oh dear! I am not sure what I will do with myself...but something tells me I will figure it out, after all, my kids did.

They grew up. They figured it out. They built their own nests.

I have one too. I have an empty nest.

Ow...I mean, wow!

Yellowcard "Empty Apartment"

Bruno Lopez

FRIENDS. I loved that show. I have the entire collection from the first episode to the last. Of course, they are still in cellophane wrap because who has time to watch that much TV? Or any TV for that matter?

Those who didn't enjoy the show were so put off by the constant sexual innuendo that they missed the great life lessons that were taught. To each their own, but I wasn't and I didn't. I still laugh until my sides hurt when I remember certain episodes and double over with tears in my eyes from laughter if I actually sit my arse down long enough to watch a rerun.

Bruno Lopez could have been a character in FRIENDS.

He was certainly a character last night with my friends who joined me at my house for a dinner party and to meet Kalen.

Bruno Lopez.

I think I'm in love, and this time it's real!

Who is Bruno Lopez? I really have no idea. I think he's probably someone different to each of us. To my daughter Kalen, he was her quick-witted response to someone asking if she had a tattoo. To my friend Karen, he was the guy revving by my house on his Harley. To Gail, he was the mystery masseuse who relaxed her shoulders earlier in the day. To me, he is still an unknown, but just the mere thought of Bruno Lopez will make me chuckle now and forever.

Friends. I love them. For those who get caught up in the sexual innuendo and flirtateous behavior in a group of 50-something friends, the great lessons of life and friendship are easily lost. But for me, it's been a reaffirmation of who I am, what I want and how important other people are.

Laughter is life-renewing.

Friends are life-sustaining.

When the two work together, it's life-changing.

I am so glad I have friends in New Mexico, my new home. And I am so glad I have friends in Utah, California, Washington and Las Vegas, and many other places where I have landed for a hour or a day or a month or more. They add so much to my life.

I have friends because I can look beyond the silliness that sometimes accompanies camaraderie, and see the goodness in my friends. I have friends because they can look beyond my faults and imperfections and downright failures to see that I am a decent, fun-loving person.

I am grateful for their willingness to focus on the good. And I love their eclectic personalities, each one adds a new dimension to my life and my own personality. Who I am is a combination of all of my friends and family, and even those who are not on those lists. I have (hopefully) learned something from everyone I have met in my life.

The more I think about my friends, the more I believe that a little bit of Bruno Lopez is in all of them - which means he is in me too.

And come to think of it, I just bet he was on FRIENDS.

'Scuse me, I have cellophane to deal with.

Hellooooooooooooooo Bruno!

FRIENDS Theme Song

Run, Kalen, Run!

In my dreams, I am a runner. I jog through parks, along streams, over bridges and under low branches. There's a gentle cadence to my step and a sparkle in my eye. Sometimes I wake up and my shins feel taut, like they did before I hit 45.

This past week I have been running like a crazed woman, jogging through life at a fast clip to catch up with bills, with correspondence, with work, with blog posts, with family, with my emotions, with friends, with time. Now I wake up and my shins are just fine, but my head hurts.

I hate headaches. They are painful. They take all the fun out of whatever you are doing. For drinkers, the next day is payback time; for the overly focused, downtime can be a killer; for the guilty, they are silent reminders; for procrastinators, stress-induced headaches are like calendar reminder beeps on your cell phone: Headache? What did I forget? Where should I be? How late am I?

Pain can be a motivator or a wet blanket.

For those with fibromyalgia, pain is often a mixture of both, and it doesn't go away.

This past year, my youngest daughter Kalen was in Brazil on a Rotary Exchange. What a life changing experience! A foreign language to master, wild parties to attend, early morning instead of late night curfews, tropical heat, and the pain of fibromyalgia.

The diagnosis was irrefutable. It was echoed by 3 doctors individually. It was real. Kalen was thousands of miles away and facing a reality at the age of 17 that seemed impossible. She had to face it alone. She had to accept what seemed impossible. She had to understand it. She had to deal with it.

Who would have thought this amazing time in her life would also deliver such unexpected news?


This was gonna be the race of her life.

In Forrest Gump, we were taught that "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

Kalen "got" fibromyalgia. But she also got beauty, brains, a stubbornness that will be her strength and a zest for life that I haven't seen in too many.

Exercise, diet changes, medication, sunshine, better rest, lots of water and more were necessary.

So she started running....again, and more, and still. Using the pain to motivate her, to pace her.

And she felt better - not good, but better.

Oh, she still has pain. She still has headaches. She even gets shin splints. But she's better.

Kalen's home now, wistfully leaving her second country and beloved friends in Brazil behind. She is happy and beautiful and yes, she has fibromyalgia and pain, but she is headed into the next phase of her life with a smile. She is focused. She is determined. She is Kalen.

Her homecoming was a celebration: "Oiiii, Kalen Marie! Beijos!" We are glad to have her home.

And now, in her dreams, if Kalen ever wonders what that soft noise is that almost wakes her, it's just me - jogging quietly along beside her with a gentle cadence, shin splints and a headache from doing too much, but with a proud and supporting smile.

Life is just a box of chocolates, and I got Kalen.

Lucky me!

Forrest Gump Original Theme Song

Mommy, I sick, I tie-red, I hung-gey.

Kids. You try to get them to sleep enough, eat right, exercise, be smart about exposing themselves to germs, wash their hands, and not do too much.

But, as we all know, kids will be kids, even when they are really BIG kids. Like...almost 24 and living in Washington DC on their own, or kids in far away countries, or in Utah.

Today I had a voice mail from my youngest son, Kyle. It went something like this, (think - sickly voice) "Hi Mom, this is Kyle. Happy Memorial Day. I had to go to Urgent Care today, but I am not going to die. Bye."

Hmmm.

I called, and yes, Kyle was sick and I heard all about it. (Erin was sick too, but I didn't hear as much about that). It sounded like a rough week. I loved talking to him and enjoyed listening to his tales of woe. He finally went to Urgent Care after over a week of misery. He told me it felt like when he was so sick at school and cried because he felt so bad as the nurse called me to pick him up.

This time, rather than picking him up and bringing him home, I gave him the motherly talk over the phone about being more careful, heading to the doctor sooner (not that I practice any of this), drinking fluids and resting. Mostly, I was glad that somewhere in that grown up psyche was a lingering memory that little boys want their Mom's when they are sick.

I am glad he is better.

This call reminded me of a call I received several years ago from my middle daughter, Kelly. She was in her first year at college, in Utah. I lived in Washington state. One day I received a call from her - (imagine - sickly voice) "Mom, I am sick. I can't even get out of bed. Could you please bring me a glass of water?" (Being a Mom means being creative and so I called my older daughter Karynn who lived in the same town and asked her to please check on Kelly - and take her a glass of water. She did. :) )

And then, just recently, when Kalen "Skyped" (is that a new verb?) me from Brazil, complaining (imagine - yep, sickly voice) of a sore throat and white dots. She, without hesitation, opened her mouth as wide as she could and leaned nearer to the camera, upon which I grabbed my handy dandy mini-flashlight and (pretended) to shine it into her mouth, pointing it at the computer screen. :) See picture above for verification of mutual insanity.

Sometimes Moms just have to play along, no matter how absurd.

And kids. Ya gotta love em. If not, who would they call when they are sick?

Julie Andrews "A Spoonful of Sugar"/Mary Poppins

Some Days Shine Brighter than Others

It's been a roller coaster week, month...well, year. Life has taken unexpected turns and leaps, almost with a whispered message "Be careful, curves ahead" or "Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it." or "Be careful." (period!).

From Kierstyn's early arrival and Karynn's troublesome recovery (blood clots are dang scary) to Kalen's early return from Brazil (OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Kalers!!!) to Kelly's graduation from SUU (you rock, Kellers, couldn't be a prouder Mom!), to Logan and Kelly's engagement (talk about shining brighter!)....this has been one loo loo of a month.

I am so proud of my kids and their partners -they take life with a grain of salt, honor their commitments, treat others with respect, practice patience, choose tolerance over judgement (with appropriate exceptions), love purely, behave honorably and act with compassion.

In the past week I have listened to an inspiring Valedictorian, felt the confusing sting of mistrust, celebrated a rite of passage at a graduation party and shared life with friends.

Four nights beneath the star-filled skies of NM, circled around a roaring fire on camp chairs with good friends - what could have been a better way to spend Memorial Day weekend? We laughed so hard we cried, we talked about life's shining and duller moments, we strengthened our resolve to be good people and we learned from each other.

Most importantly, we enjoyed the moment.

I am living in the Land of Enchantment...and I am enchanted.

Shine on.

Shine Bright Morning Light

Milestones and Miracles

It was a busy 4 days last month. Kalen returned from Brazil, Kelly graduated from college, Karynn gave birth to Kierstyn, Logan asked Kelly to marry her - and she said YES!

Life doesn't get much better, or much more hectic than that....unless of course, someone gets a blood clot in their leg, another receives a proposal at the age of 17, and best friends suddenly become foreign to you.

Then...life gets even more hectic.

Thankfully miracles happen, blood clots can be dissolved, heads overcome hearts, reality hits - but with compassion, and other hearts heal.

I am grateful for the vicissitudes of life and the lessons that are learned. I hope they make me a better person.

Miles Davis "Milestones"

What It's All About

Family. That's what it's all about, and this is "my bunch".

What a brood! Aren't they grand?!?!

This picture was taken at Kelly's SUU graduation weekend, but the weekend became a mega-4-days of stuff coming out of nowhere.

Karynn had just delivered Kierstyn (very early), Kalen had just returned from Brazil (very early), Kyle and Kurt had flown out from NY and DC (right on time) and Kollin* had just started his Kenpo studio in SLC (way overdue!)... (and Kelly was about to get engaged (eternal), but none of us knew that, including Kellers). Woohooo!

What more can I say? Life just keeps on comin' and I couldn't be prouder of my kids.

Just FYI - (*tag on Kollin's shirt: "Hello, my name is Indigo Montoyo. You killed my father. Prepare to die.") I have no explanation. A mother's love is unconditional.

Simon Collins "Unconditional"

Celine Dion "A Mother's Prayer"

My Bunch Dec 2007

One of my favorite pics...what a great lookin bunch of kids! Lucky me!

Families Can Be Forever