Saturday, October 17, 2009
Darwin Schmarwin - Survival isn't All it's Cracked up to Be
I became a chameleon to fit into whatever environment I had to in order to survive. I only gave up my deep-seated principles in acts of depressed desperation a few times as my marriage was falling apart and as I was trying to grasp the reality of being a single Mom with six kids. Those few times were a cry for help or a plea for attention that went unnoticed, and those few times have been regretted and repented many times over. No one can beat us up more than our own consciences. I hope to rid myself of those old memories soon; they are fading more every day. But the reality of the fallout from our ill-suited situation never will.
But I survived, and lived a life of quick smiles and shallow laughter - EXCEPT when it came to my kids. They were always why I did anything, although sometimes I am certain that was not easy to always see. I laughed and smiled and enjoyed them more than anything else in life, I still do. They are my reason for still being here. They are the reason I chose to survive.
It isn't me that was hurt the most by all of this, it was them. They were short-changed even more than I was. Our lives were stolen from us and we never got them back. Ever.