Monday, June 1, 2009


What can you say about someone who loves you unconditionally - especially when you are me?

Lots of things, I suppose, and it's not a simple answer.

Life isn't simple. I am not simple.

Relationships aren't simple. Marriage is not simple.

Somehow I think I missed the instruction booklet on relationships. I actually have done better (even with all the mistakes I made) at raising 6 kids then I have done in relationship(s) and marriage(s).

Yes, (s). As in more than one.

Sad isn't it? More than one marriage...I mean really, even those who are happy and love their marriage would say that ONE is enough!

But not me, oh no. I keep thinking I can learn from my mistakes and be more successful the next time, but that isn't the answer. It's like starting from scratch all over again. This is not the way to do it. I am certain they spelled that out in the instruction book I missed.

So what's the deal?

I am not overly difficult. However, I am not overly easy either.

I am a redhead. (yes, that says volumes)

I am relatively intelligent.

I am fairly quick thinking.

I get bored easily.

I love to be on the go.

I love to laugh.

I trust completely. (which means I am completely vulnerable)

I can laugh at me, myself and I...and the rest of life.

I can forgive.

I have a quiet faith. I have learned to trust in God, not men.

I can love. Sometimes too much, sometimes not enough.

I am not too far off the track, am I?

No, at least I don't think I am. So, I am confused. Why isn't it simpler?

I know that one thing is for certain -

Relationships aren't simple. Marriage isn't simple. It takes work, compromise, honesty, patience, humor, forgiveness and unconditional love.

I have the pieces down, I can do all of those things, almost effortlessly. I just can't seem to put them together in the right place and the right time and in the right order to complete the whole puzzle. There's always something missing, that critical piece in the middle.

Except for that one piece, all the rest of the pieces seem to be here, but I can't get them to fit right.

So, no, it's not simple. And that's a problem.

Because in the end, that is what I want - something a bit more simple. Not something easy, something simple. Not something effortless, something natural. Something pure. Something true. Something honest. Something that fits.

I want a relationship that is calm yet fun, steady yet exciting, dependable yet spontaneous, trustworthy yet breathtaking.

I want a companion. I don't need to be bowled over, I just need my hand held. I am strong, but not that strong. I am independent, but not that independent. I want to enjoy life with someone.

Simplicity, in a world of chaos. It MUST be in the box somewhere; some of the pieces are almost perfect, but not quite. If I really pushed hard, I could MAKE them fit, but that's not how it should work. It should take effort, not force.

I am not asking for a miracle. I just want all the pieces to fit together, and I want that one center piece that has always escaped me. The real one. Not an imitation. Not a substitute. The real McCoy.

My fear is that in the chaos I have made of my life, I might have already found it and then lost it.
Or maybe I should just acknowledge that I did find it and then lose it. No fear needed. Just own up to it.

Or maybe it's just waiting to be found for the first time, or rediscovered after being lost, or appreciated after being taken for granted.

I know this much, whatever it is, it's not simple.

So, what can you say about someone who loves you unconditionally - especially when you are me?

A simple "thank you" would be a good start. "I love you" could follow, but only if it's from the heart.

And instructions, simple instructions would help too.

Find. Love. Hold on, not too tight, but hold on. Love. Commit. Love. Don't let go. Love. Appreciate. Love. Enjoy. Love. Support. Love. Share. Love. Have Patience. Love. Renew Often. Love. Respect. Love. Live. Love.

That should do it.

Maybe I need to write AND read the instruction book.

Simplicity, huh? If only it really was simple.

Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You"

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